And we’re back.

This speech was delivered on Saturday, July 2, 2011 at the Cebu International Convention Center. The ceremony commemorating the first anniversary of the Yellow Zombie Invasion was held with little fanfare despite the presence of over 9000 people, composed of volunteers and other units under the PUZACEF, plus media outfits and dignitaries.

After the so-called days of downtime, we can proudly say that we’ve resurrected ourselves from inactivity. And we can proudly say that we’ve accomplished much in our first year of hostilities with the zombies.

Since my last trip to the podium in May, Cebu City and most of Cebu province is proudly zombie-free, thanks to the people who fought hard and killed harder. Let us give them a deserving round of applause!

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I’d rather work as a clerk in some obscure government office than to practice a shameful act known as showboating.
Miguel Uriel-Llanera

This should be applied to real life, I think. - M. Ursa
davidmalki:

I keep forgetting. I keep forgetting.

This should be applied to real life, I think. - M. Ursa

davidmalki:

I keep forgetting. I keep forgetting.

(via inky)



Aquino-era Commission renamed, new mandate given

Last Saturday, the Philippine Survivors Council decided to rename the Presidential Commission on Good Government to the Government Efficiency and Asset Recovery Commission (GEARCom) and revise its mandates:

  1. Recovery of assets, liabilities, properties and various items acquired by certain public officials through dubious means
  2. Investigation of various cases that hamper efficiency (including but not limited to graft and corruption)
  3. Institution of various measures aimed at curbing and/or preventing various forms of inefficiency and waste in various government offices
  4. Recovery of assets owned by zombiefied individuals and companies (including properties, companies and other assets and liabilities owned by persons responsible for the zombie attacks)
  5. Disposition of various assets through the Finance Department’s Privatization Management Office

The council also decided to recover various properties owned by zombiefied individuals, their companies and other properties/assets within Mindanao starting in June 2011. Similar moves will be done in the Visayas and Luzon once the zombies are eliminated. All “recovered” properties will be owned and operated by GEARCom and will not be disposed until 2017. The council also decided to provide an “expiration date” for the fourth mandate (February 25, 2016)

Note: Zombified individuals include persons who are responsible for the existence  of the zombies and individuals that are connected to the Zombie regime.


Statement re: Markus Ursa

Yesterday, Markus Ursa was found somewhere in the Zamboanga sector. Although many of his former colleagues are relieved, his reappearance brought in more questions than answers.

During the debriefing, he told the division commander that he went to Liloan in Southern Leyte since he wanted to cover the dezombiefication operations in the Eastern Visayas sector.

While driving from Maasin to Ormoc, the Yellow Zombies ambushed Markus’ Ford Everest, slightly injuring the only passenger. Markus and his passenger were able to take down three zombies before a group of independent volunteers rescued them. On the 15th of April, Markus, his companions and the group of independent volunteers traveled on motorboat from Albuera, Leyte to Bogo, Cebu via Poro Island. From then until their discovery in Zamboanga del Norte, the team were able to kill approximately 4500 zombies. While in Argao, Markus’ passenger was sent to a hospital to recover, although one volunteer gave him first aid hours after the ambush. The passenger was eventually discharged and shipped back to the Eastern Visayas sector.

After Markus and the volunteers left Argao, they encountered a Naga-bound minibus and rode it. On the way to Naga, the driver told Markus that he can’t venture beyond the said place since the Zombies are within 20 kilometers of Cebu. Although reluctant, the driver agreed to bring the team to Cebu.

Eventually, the minibus conked out at the intersection of Vicente Rama Avenue and Cebu South Road. Without a reliable vehicle, they walked towards Fuente Osmeña. When they approached the Fuente Osmeña fountain, a horde of Yellow Zombies heading from the east ran towards the fountain, looking for new recruits and a possible source of food. With a loud whistle coming from an old building as a signal, an orchestra of gunshots jolted the horde, causing many of them to flee. During the commotion, Markus and the volunteers were inside a nearby hospital, looking for food and ammunition. An old gentleman saw them and he told them to go to the parking area and ride in two SUV’s with machine guns attached to it. Another group will follow them to ensure that the zombies no longer pose a threat to the city.

After four hours, they reached Liloan and finished off the rest of the zombie horde that attacked Cebu City hours ago. After an hour, a two-way radio set went live. “Good job, gentlemen. This is General Martin. Go back to Cebu.”

When they met the general, Markus told the general his involvement in the war against the zombies and how he and the volunteers met and go to Cebu. The general told then that they can stay in Cebu until the first week of May. The general informed the General Headquarters of Markus’ whereabouts but the person on the other end did not bother to take notes.

On the fifth of May, Markus and the volunteers left for Dapitan. En route to Dapitan, their boat suddenly changed course, bringing them to Plaridel, Northern Mindanao sector. After landing, they scuttled the boat and walked toward the west. They were eventually found after a few days.

Last night, Col. Llanera left the General Headquarters for Dapitan to welcome back a subordinate that was missed by many, including the entire External Communications team.

Tonight, a press conference will be held in Dipolog to answer the questions behind the disappearance of Mr. Ursa and his eventual return.

Regardless, we thank the Almighty for Markus’ safety and his eventual return. We hope to see him in his old office before the year ends.

From the Office of External Communications of the Philippine Survivors Council, welcome back, Markus!


Breaking News: Markus Ursa found

Dapitan, Zamboanga sector - Former Chief External Communicator Markus Ursa was found somewhere in the northern Zamboanga peninsula by the 13th Coastal Defense Battalion of the Philippine United Zombie Apocalypse Control and Elimination Force yesterday evening. Together with eight of his companions, he is now undergoing debriefing sessions in a makeshift military outpost in this city.


Behind Enemy Lines: Pampanga and Bataan

We personally thought that resistance against the Yellow Zombies in Luzon is virtually non-existent. However, we received two-way radio communication from a group of militia units in the hills of Porac and Floridablanca in Pampanga, reporting that some units are now in Morong, Bataan, aiding an elite force that landed near the town on April 23. The elite force, which were deployed to Bataan under the orders of Colonel Llanera, are currently tasked to secure and protect the Geronimo Z. Velasco Energy Facility, located between the towns of Morong and Bagac.

Private First Class “Souljah Boy” was sighted by the elite forces during a patrol last April 30 Subsequently, he was invited to their headquarters by the commander of the Porac Militia. During the meeting, Souljah Boy and the commander discussed issues and strategies. He is expected to leave our area of operations after May 3rd.

(Relayed by Tito San Gabriel, External Communicator)


Sixty-nine years and a couple of days ago, the Battling Bastards of Bataan surrendered to the Japanese Imperial Army. Almost immediately, they endured the Death March and over three years of agony, anguish and pain. Fortunately, some of them escaped and waged guerrilla warfare, eventually paving the way to the liberation of our beloved country in 1945.

Over a hundred years ago, Labor Day was commemorated for the first time in the Philippines.

Both events were important.

They are still important, because they remind us of important things. The fall of Bataan delayed the Japanese forces and heralded a chapter in Philippine history that no one should ever forget. Labor Day celebrates the passion of hard working Filipino, who ensured our food security, built roads and other infrastructure that all Filipinos, including their descendants, will use it responsibly, and safeguarded our country’s interests in one way or another. Even if we take them for granted, we shouldn’t. Because they are one of the many backbones that still hold our country together despite the upheaval that forced many of us to flee to the many places where opposition against the hoodlums and scum that plague our nation.

Speaking of our country, I have news for the hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of Filipinos and liberators from other places. We are a very fragile state. Places outside our control are now lawless, and a lot of items, including unrecoverable artifacts, documents and most historical sites, have been obliterated in one way or another. Some called the entire country a failed state. One even labeled the Republic of the Philippines as “Zombieland”.

Fortunately, that label will not be applied to any part of our country.

Although we live in a fragile state, we are able to establish the Philippine Survivors Council. It was established on April 24, 2011 after consultations with other groups composing the Philippine United Zombie Apocalypse Control and Elimination Force (PUZACEF), which was established approximately two weeks ago. As of now, they are able to provide most of the basic services that a government would normally provide, excluding internal and external defense, which are under the domain of the PUZACEF.

Speaking of the PUZACEF, a few members that are part of it are behind enemy lines. Some are embarking on solo missions, authorized or not. Regardless, I order all of them to use guerrilla tactics in their missions. If possible, use the scorched earth policy.

Recently, a lot of new arrivals have entered major points of entry that are under our control. From Newton-le-Willows to the Rub’ al-Khali, many heeded our call to fight the Yellow Zombie Scourge. However, the deluge of volunteers forced us to make drastic changes - the expansion of existing military bases and the creation of new ones, the assumption of new identities (to avoid suspicion from various kinds of people in their home and previously adopted countries) and the creation of the Overseas Volunteers Office, which ensures the safety and well-being of our volunteers. As of yesterday, eleven squads are either part of the campaign to hold off the Yellow Zombies from taking over Cebu and Leyte or part of a larger force assigned to defend Mindanao, Palawan and other outlying islands from Yellow Zombie attacks. To those who responded the call to “Kick zombie ass right here in Flipland”, I salute you. Even if some of you defiantly wear your Guy Fawkes masks despite some of my subordinates’ repeated calls to remove it, I honor your audacity and emboldened by the fact that you went here despite the risks and threats from your countries of origin.

Complementing the efforts of the PUZACEF are the contingent from the other member states of the Association of South East Asian Nations, under the yet-to-be-identified unified commander, presumably from the Indonesian Army’s Seventh Military District. We have also invited other military units based in nearby countries, but we received no formal replies as of this morning.

Regardless, I will assure that the Yellow Zombie Threat will be gone before 2014.

This is your commander-in-chief, leader of the PUZACEF and the Philippine Survivors Council, Miguel Uriel-Llanera. We may have different interpretations of the “End of Days”, but we have one thing in common: we should - and we shall - end their existence.

BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.

Note from the Office of External Communications, Philippine Survivors Council: A version of speech was supposed to be delivered on April 9. However, downtime and attacks on various infrastructure have prevented Col. Llanera from delivering his speech. Between April 9 and May 1, a lot of events that changed the Philippines and the outside world happened and the speech was thoroughly revised to reflect the then-current issues. the version that you have read is the final speech aired in various radio stations in Mindanao, Palawan and islands that are mostly free from “infestation”

A speech delivered on the radio by Colonel Miguel Uriel-Llanera on May 1, 2011

Q
WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?
A

pre-school life